


When Angels Fall

by Murderous_Intentions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murderous_Intentions/pseuds/Murderous_Intentions
Summary: Castiel the freak. Castiel the blemish. Castiel the cock-up.Castiel. The Angel who fell from Heaven.Castiel. The Angel who broken all the rules.Castiel. Father's favorite Angel after Lucifer fell.Castiel. The Angel who was madly in love with Dean Winchester.This is the story of what truly happened when Castiel saved Dean Winchester from Hell all those years back.This is the story about Castiel and Dean's profound bond.-------------------------------------------------------This is a slash (boyxboy)This may contain spoilers.





	When Angels Fall

When Angels Fall

"We prepare for the apocalypse. We can feel it in the sky, in our bones, in our blood. This time the apocalypse will be fulfilled. Lucifer will be walking among us. Lucifer will claim his host – Sam Winchester. I will claim my host – Dean Winchester. Once Lucifer is freed he will be at his weakest. That is when the Golden Guard and I will descend into Hell, and I will claim my host's body – Dean Winchester." Michael stood tall, proud, against the wall of the stage, the golden wall made his golden locks glisten, made his sky-blue eyes pop, made his smooth sun-kissed skin glow. Michael was beautiful.

Castiel was not.

"This is wrong." Castiel was smaller. Castiel was weak. Castiel was known for his royal cock-ups, known to take his missions and ruin them, known for breaking the rules. Castiel was a blemish on all angels; on all of heaven.

_ You will not harm my Castiel. I forbid it. _

What Father was thinking when he had said that no one knew. Not even the cock-up Castiel knew. But Father had said it. So the other angels gritted their teeth and left Castiel to do minimal work. Boring work. Easy work. Work not even a  _ blemish _ could possibly mess up.

"Wrong? Wrong was Dean putting himself in the situation to be killed and sent to Hell in the first place." Michael growled. He never did like Castiel. He hated Castiel before anyone realized Castiel was a blemish; before anyone realized Castiel had taken Lucifer's place as Father's favorite.

_ Maybe that's the sign then,  _ Michael thought to himself as he stared down his little brother,  _ Any and all Angels that wins Father's favoritism is simply cursed to rebel against Heaven. _

"Dean is a good man." Castiel hissed, his own sky-blue eyes flashing, but his eyes were never as impressive as Michael's. Castiel's eyes simply weren't expressive enough. Castiel's eyes were simply not blue enough. Nor was Castiel's hair shiny enough. Castiel was not tall enough. Castiel's smile was not bright enough.

Castiel would never be Michael.

Castiel would always be one step under Michael. No matter what Father said.

Castiel was a blemish. Castiel was a freak. Castiel was wired wrong.

Not even  _ Naomi _ could fix him – and Naomi fixed  _ everyone _ .

Michael's lips curled in disgust. Father could always pick them. "A good man?" Michael was not sure what that statement even meant. Perhaps it was a bad idea having Castiel watch Dean Winchester. Oh well. There was nothing Michael could do about that now.  _ Not even minimal work is safe enough to keep Castiel out of trouble.  _ "We go at Sunset in two weeks time. While the Golden Guard is with me getting Dean Winchester's body Silver Guard will be in charge. I expect everyone to follow Gabriel. If you do not respect Gabriel, then Naomi will deal with you once the Golden Guard and I return."

"If we go now then we could stop Dean before he breaks under the torture!" Castiel snapped loudly. Angels were not supposed to raise their voices. There was never any need to yell. Castiel never followed the rules, though. Not even the simple rules.

Michael was losing his patience.

"Go Castiel. This matter does not concern you. How about you go help Joshua in the Garden." Michael said shortly. That was an insult in angel terms. That was saying that Castiel could not do any work without help. Not even minimal work.  _ Which is true,  _ Michael thought with disgust,  _ First he screws up the Pairing and now he is trying to salvage humans. Not even worthy humans, at that. _ Michael shook his head as he stared down at his younger brother. Castiel looked angry. Anger was not an emotion angels wore. Angels never wore emotions. The only angel to hold onto emotions was Lucifer when he formed jealous envy over the humans.

Maybe that is who Castiel is like.

Lucifer had dark blonde hair. 

So did Castiel.

Lucifer had a nasty smirk on his face. 

Castiel had an angry frown.

They were both at odd ends; Lucifer was taller than Michael. Castiel was shorter than Michael.

Both of them had a disregard for the rules.

Both of them were cock-ups.

Blemishes.

Freaks.

_ If Castiel died in the apocalypse what a sad unfortunate disaster it would be,  _ Michael thought to himself darkly.  _ I'm sure Naomi would approve of such a tragic, unstoppable, accidental death... _

"You insult me so greatly?" Castiel was glaring now. He looked like Lucifer. He looked like Lucifer but smaller, angrier, less dangerous. Like a wet kitten. Like a wet newborn kitten that had had its claws removed.

"You are right brother." Michael fledged. "I should learn to hold my temper better." One of Castiel's eyebrows arched in surprise. Normally such a remark would land an angel in Naomi's chair. Castiel had been in Naomi's chair thousands of times, but of course Castiel could not remember doing anything other than talking to Naomi. Even as freakish as Castiel was, even as unhinged as Castiel was, the sessions with Naomi was always erasable.  _ Which is for the best,  _ Michael thought,  _ Or Castiel would get a new insane notion – angel rights.  _ "If you feel so brazen why don't you go and rescue Dean Winchester yourself?"

Castiel shifted now, glancing back and forth between Michael and the rest of the angels. Most of the angels were of the Golden Guard. Not all of them, though. Naomi was watching intently. Naomi was always watching everyone intently.

" _ Alone _ , Castiel. You will rescue Dean Winchester from Hell alone or you will help Joshua in the Garden." Michael added. It would be a suicide attempt for Castiel to march into Hell alone. Every angel had now caught on to Michael's trap. Everyone  _ expect _ Castiel. Trusting Castiel. Sweet Castiel. Loving Castiel. Shoulder to lean on, Castiel.

_ Soon to be dead, Castiel. _

"A human once said, 'I will fight on the right side, even if I am fighting alone'. I will take this quest, Michael. I will return to Heaven once Dean Winchester is safely returned to Earth." Castiel nodded swiftly and disappeared.

"Father won't be happy about his favorite toy dying." Naomi said with laugher barely contained in her voice.

"Maybe if we're lucky he won't realize." Raphael shot back grimly.

"The apocalypse must happen," Gabriel said darkly, "I agree. I feel it in the air. Sending Castiel to die was wrong, Michael. I expected better from you." Gabriel disappeared. Gabriel did not go after Castiel. Gabriel knew better. Gabriel did go home and place his head in his hands, his head bowed, his chest constricting. Castiel would die a painful death. Castiel would die a brutal death. Castiel did not deserve such a death. Gabriel's chest tightened again, his stomach twisting, his heart in his throat; the closest thing to crying angels could achieve.

***

"You weren't supposed to see that." Castiel said. It was the only thing Castiel could think to say. Dean  _ wasn't _ supposed to see that. No one wanted Dean to see that. Castiel said that God wanted Dean rescued. That Dean was worthy. Castiel lied. The other angels went along with the lie. It would only help them, they figured. They were wrong, of course.

They had been wrong about Castiel dying in Hell, too.

They had been wrong believing the apocalypse was coming. Or perhaps they had been right. The Winchester's and Castiel had stopped the apocalypse, however.

They had been wrong believing that the Winchester's and Castiel couldn't stop the apocalypse.

Angels were wrong about a lot of things.

"You saved me... alone." Dean was sitting on a beat-up red couch. Sammy had called the couch maroon this morning. But that was before Dean found out the truth about his rescue in Hell. Dean had smacked Sam with a pillow, and called him a nerd, while Sam laughed. Castiel had watched them silently. Even after all these years he still couldn't wrap his head around humanity; or Dean Winchester.

"I thought we would both die," Castiel admitted. Castiel had never liked lying. "Michael had wanted me to die – planned for me to die. If they had thought I would have succeeded in rescuing you they would have never allowed me to go." It was the truth. Dean knew that.

"One angel against an entire army of demons?" Dean muttered to himself frowning.

"I was not alone." Castiel said quickly, "I didn't lie completely. Father helped me rescue you. I never could have gotten to you if he hadn't aided me, Dean." Dean had said that if Castiel lied to him anymore than Castiel would no longer be his brother. Castiel had only lied about the army of angels behind him, and  _ technically _ there was any army of angels behind him, they just were in Heaven and had no intend of Castiel living through his adventure into Hell.

"Damnit Cas," Dean pressed his face into his hands. Dean looked stressed. Sam had said it was because Dean hadn't been laid in a few months. How could he have had the time? They had Jack to consider now.

"Do you need to have sex?" Castiel asked quickly, without thinking, Castiel couldn't stand it if Dean was angry with him, mad at him, upset with him. The emotions simply didn't sit well in Castiel's stomach. They ached and twisted as if Castiel had swallowed a knife.

Dean wasn't supposed to know about that, either.

***

"I don't feel right."

That was the first thing Castiel had said when he fallen in the grand hall. Normally Castiel would have kept his feet – but his stomach hurt, his head hurt, his eyes hurt, every part of his body hurt. He hadn't hurt when he was escaping Hell, when he was fighting the demons, when he felt God's hand press up against the side of his face.  _ I am with you, always, Castiel. My son. My angel. My favorite.  _ Castiel felt a sharp twist in his stomach. What was that? What was that feeling? Why did he hurt? Why did his chest ache?

_ I have to find Sammy. _

Castiel froze. That wasn't his voice. That wasn't Father's voice.

That was Dean Winchester's voice.

An icicle of fear slicked down Castiel's back. Castiel ached. Castiel hurt. Castiel felt what Dean Winchester was feeling. Castiel was in tune to human emotions now –  _ no _ ... Castiel was in tune to Dean Winchester now. Castiel could hear Dean Winchester's thoughts more prominently than he could any other human's. More prominently than he could hear  _ any _ human. Typically only arch angels like Michael and Gabriel could hear humans – and only important humans at that. Like prophets. Not hosts like Dean Winchester.

Castiel was scared. Angels don't get scared. Angels hot-wired to feel human emotions  _ do _ get scared.

"We have a rather profound bond."

Castiel had no other answer for it. Castiel could not tell the truth. Dean Winchester would get angry. Dean Winchester would break the bond. Castiel was such of it. Castiel had tried to break the bond himself at first, but had been unable to do so. There was no way to break something that shouldn't exist. But it did exist, and if anyone could break the bond it would be Dean.

By that point Castiel didn't  _ want _ to break the bond.

The bond is what told Castiel when Dean Winchester called. Castiel did not always know when Bobby or Sam called. Castiel did not have a bond with them. Castiel sometimes turned off his ears so he could focus on his work. Even with his ears off Castiel could hear Dean. Everyone else who prayed to Castiel was whispered echoes that came from behind Castiel's right shoulder. Like someone whispering to you from across the room with your back turned.

Dean's voice was always prominent. Dean's voice was always strong – even when his voice was sad.

_ Castiel please... I need you. I need you. I don't know what to do anymore... Cas please. _

Castiel had been stabbed with an angel blade before he met Dean Winchester. The blade went in deep next to his heart. It burned. Castiel had assumed the burning was relatable to a mortal falling into flames. Castiel had been convinced nothing could ever hurt more than being stabbed. Castiel was wrong. Dean Winchester's agony, inner turmoil, anguish, depression hurt far more than being stabbed. Castiel would willingly submit to a lifetime to torturous stabs if it would take away Dean's pain. Castiel would cut his own heart out if it would take away Dean's pain.

Castiel realized he had fallen in love with Dean quickly.

Sam thought to himself quietly that Castiel was in love with Dean. Bobby had come to the same conclusion. So did everyone else. Everyone but Dean. They all got it wrong though. They had thought Castiel had fallen in love with Dean a couple years after their first encounter.

Castiel had fallen in love with Dean the second he laid eyes on him in Hell.

Dean had broken. Dean had tortured. Dean helped move along the apocalypse. Castiel loved Dean Winchester anyway. Their profound bond only helped Castiel fall deeper and deeper in love with Dean.

Of course Castiel never told Dean that. Dean believed he was straight. Castiel never told Dean that all humans were born without sexuality. As humans grow and develop memories and emotions the people they meet, how they are raised, and their own view on love and lust is what shapes their sexuality.

Dean was most certainly bisexual. Castiel knew. Castiel knew everything. Castiel could hear Dean's voice in his head.

_ "Oh I'm so sorry! I thought you were interested..." Castiel did not understand why the gay man had decided to stalk Dean around. Perhaps he thought Dean was intimidating and therefore he was afraid to approach him. Dean was intimidating. _

_ "Ah-What-No! No, no, no, I don't- I don't- I have to go." Dean bolted. _

_ Brown hair, blue eyes, shorter frame... he wasn't that bad looking. No, of course he wasn't bad looking. But – I'm straight – _

_ No... he wasn't Cas.  _

_ He wasn't Cas. _

Dean had felt fear so thick Castiel had thought Dean had ran right into danger. Dean was fearful of his own thoughts – of his own emotions.  _ He wasn't Cas.  _ Castiel was unsure what to think of that. Angels had no sexuality. That never stopped them from fooling around when Father left and the angels fell. Castiel fooled around. Castiel was curious. Castiel felt Dean fooling around.

_ Blue eyes, black hair, nice smile. And she's a she.  _ Dean thought firmly,  _ She's a woman. She's not Cas. She's nice. She looks like Cas. But she's not Cas. "Why don't we ditch this place?" Dean offered. The woman accepted. They always do. _

Castiel felt his chest ache.

***

"Oh my God," Dean's face was bright red. "You- you can hear..." Dean had always been intelligent. Castiel liked that about Dean. Right now Castiel hated that about Dean.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about." Castiel reassured quickly.

_ I touched myself to... oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god. _

"I..."  _ RUN! RUN RUN RUN! _

Dean had never been a coward. Tonight he decided he was, in fact, a coward. Because Dean ran. Dean ran out the door that Sammy was entering with supper, nearly knocking Sammy to the ground, and bolting for Baby. Sam and Dean had their own keys for Baby. Dean used his key to turn Baby on and speed away in.

Within seconds Dean was gone.

"Well..." Sam blinked in shock staring after Dean in confusion. "Should I be concerned..?"

"Dean realized some unfortunate truths today." Castiel answered with a frown. Dean was so panicked he had forgotten that Castiel could just pop into the impala whenever he wanted. Castiel was just about to do that; concerned that Dean would run off the road in his panic, when Sam turned to him.

"Truths?" Sam echoed, "What truths?" Castiel was tempted to ignore him.  _ Friends don't ignore friends, Cas _ ! Dean had yelled at him not long after they first met.

"The truth about rescuing Dean in hell." Castiel answered. "I rescued him alone. Father did help; he gave me energy. The Golden Guard however was not present... Michael had planned for Dean to break in Hell so that the apocalypse could take place. Michael allowed me to go to Hell to rescue Dean planning that I would die. I should have died. I would have if Father had not helped."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "Dean left because of that?" Sam did not believe it.

"No, he left because he also found out about our profound bond." Sam made a face. "I can hear Dean's thoughts when he is at an emotional high. I can always feel Dean's emotions. I am going to go to Dean now." Castiel vanished; leaving Sam blinking in shock.

_ Does that mean Dean is in love with Cas too?  _ Sam wondered in confusion.  _ Because I know Cas loves Dean. _ Sam shook his head and banished all thoughts of his brother's sexuality and Cas' crush. Sam decided to just enjoy the night to himself; he got nights to himself less and less these days.  _ Maybe if I'm lucky they'll finally get together instead of eye-fucking across the room.  _ Sam snickered to himself at that thought, thankful that there was no angel out there with a profound bond attached to him.

Well, no angel that Sam  _ knew _ about anyway.

***

"Please pull over." Dean's body jerked but instead of pulling over Dean increased the amount of pressure his foot was putting on the gas. As if he could outdrive someone who was in the same car as him. "Dean, please pull over. I can survive a crash at this speed but we all know you cannot."

_ Maybe I should crash it then. _

"And ruin Baby? At this speed she'll be totaled."

Dean was angry that Castiel was right. He would never hurt Baby. He would never hurt  _ himself,  _ either. Even if the idea was tempting. Dean let up on the gas and finally pulled over on to the shoulder. The road to the cabin Sam found was so far in the forest that there was not another car in sight. Dean and Castiel were as alone as they would ever get.

"Dean..." Castiel paused wondering if Dean could handle such a confession but deciding he had no choice in the matter. "Dean, I never told you about the extent of our bond because I was fearful you would break it."

" _Of course_ _I'm going to break it_!" Dean screamed aloud and inside Castiel's head; making Castiel's ears ring.

"I love you." Castiel said instead. "That's why I never told you. It goes beyond allowing me to read your deepest thoughts – it allows me to sense when you are in danger, when you need me , when your upset, scared, or angry. All those times Sam prayed to me and never got through was because I had blocked my senses off, but never to  _ you _ . Never you."

Castiel never expected he would be admitting this to Dean. Castiel felt uncomfortable but was unsure whether that emotion was coming from Dean or himself.

"Wha-what? No you don't." Dean snapped quickly.  _ What part of no chick-flick moments does no one understand?!  _ Dean thought in aguish. Underneath that that was another thought that made Castiel's heart clench in his chest.  _ I don't deserve love. I don't deserve anyone's love - especially not Cas'. _

"Dean, don't think things like that." Castiel knew it was not Dean's fault. You couldn't help what you think. "You do deserve love. You deserve far more love than I can ever give you. I knew you were scared of the feelings you had for me, which is why I never tried to tell you how I felt. But... I also never tried because it's so obvious that  _ I  _ don't deserve  _ you _ ." It was true.

Castiel was a freak.

Castiel was wired-wrong.

Castiel ruined everything.

Castiel was a blemish.

Castiel would never be as beautiful as Michael.

Castiel would never be as brave as Gabriel.

Castiel would never be as ruthless as Lucifer.

Castiel would never be as determined as Raphael.

As kind as Hannah.

As smart as Naomi.

As ambitious as Gadreel.

As worthy as Balthazar.

Castiel was just Cas.

A cock-up.

Castiel was okay with that. Castiel  _ liked _ being Cas. Castiel and Cas were two halves of the same person.  _ Cas _ liked doing the things he wanted to do, for the reasons he wanted to do them, and not having to answer to anyone. Not anyone. Not anyone Cas chose to ignore. Cas never ignored Dean. Not since the last time. Not in that way. Cas worshipped Dean. Cas would do anything for Dean. Cas was in love Dean.

_ Cas _ loved Dean even when Castiel knew loving Dean was a terrible idea.

"Don't you ever say that." Dean snapped furiously. "Don't you ever say that! You're not worthy of me? That's bullshit, Cas! I'm the one who took the Mark of Cain. I'm the one who broke in Hell."

"I'm the one who made a deal with Crowley!" Cas shot back. "I'm the one who betrayed you!"

Castiel would never forgive himself for that, either.

"I forgave you." Dean growled.

"I won't forgive myself. Not ever." Castiel refused to forgive himself. After all the things Castiel had ever done wrong, had ever blemished, had ever cock-upped, betraying Dean's trust would always be the worst. Letting Dean down would always be the worst.

Silence descended on the impala.

Castiel's chest ached.

_ We could make it work. We could. I know we could. _

"We could." Castiel agreed. Is there anything Dean wanted that Castiel wouldn't agree too?

_ Probably not _ , Castiel thought,  _ Unless it involved Dean stupidly sacrificing himself again. _

_ So we will. We will. We're together. _

"No more blue-eyed black haired woman." Castiel wouldn't help but say.

_ Of course not.  _ Castiel's stomach twisted with Dean's nerves.  _ None of them were ever good enough. _

And they weren't.

Dean, the troubled soldier, and Cas, the fallen angel, stayed in the impala watching the stars twinkle in the sky. They were silent because they were content. They had nothing else left to say. They needed not to whisper  _ I love you;  _ they felt no urge to finalize their relationship in a bed. They simply sat together in silence as Dean's rabid heartbeat slowed down, as the nerves in his and Castiel's stomach began to fade, as well as the sharp twisting ache in their hearts. Dean knew now, and it went far more smoothly than Castiel could have ever imaged. Castiel wondered about that strange demon that showed Dean the truth. That had been odd. Familiar. Dean suddenly grabbed Cas' hand; making their stomachs twist and their hearts pound.

Castiel forgot about the strange demon and leaned back in his seat relaxing for the first time in such a long time. From the corner of his eye he studied Dean. Yes, Castiel would betray heaven again and again and again for this man. Castiel would sell his grace. Walk through flames. Get stabbed with a million angel blades. Castiel would do anything for this man.

In the distance, out of sight, two figures came together.

"That worked out far better than I expected." Crowley said.

The other figure agreed.

"We need to get you and moose together." Crowley mused.

The other figure broke his silence. "He thinks I'm dead."

"Angel, they think we're both dead." Crowley laughed.

Crowley used the term Angel not for a nickname but for a title.

The other man was an angel after all.

"Strange having your friends think you're dead." Gabriel said.

Crowley smirked.

Getting Moose and the angel together would be far easier than getting Cas and Squirrel together. 

No one was more stubborn than Cas and Squirrel.

"Let's go surprise Moose, huh?" Crowley said. "I love surprising Moose."

Gabriel smirked. "I love  _ tricking _ Moose."

"I heard about the Tuesday trick." Crowley said.

"It's a fan favorite." Gabriel agreed.

Sam had dozed off by this point.

When Sam awoke he realized it was Tuesday.

***End***

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed my one-shot of Cas and Dean (ah, and a surprise hint of Gabriel and Sam, I didn't tag them because it was, like I said, a surprise). I originally posted this on Wattpad, and it's still there, but I decided to add it to Archive. OH! And um - I do not think anything bad of Castiel. I created this story by making the narrator more "angelic" POV in the beginning, like it was an angel telling the story, and that is (in my humble opinion) how the angels all treated and thought of Castiel, so yeah. Angels are dicks.


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